you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
As shirtless as possible
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
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