we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
