every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
