so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
