If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
