Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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