Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
