How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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