I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
