a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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