i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
