She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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