just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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