Just mADE A PArabola og urine
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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