Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I just cut my nipple shaving
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Randomize
