Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
