you guys were way drunker than both of me
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Randomize
