i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
