Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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