found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
