remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
