I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
