when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
