How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Everclear isn't food dammit
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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