If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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