My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
