exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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