I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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