all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
