Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
