U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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