Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Dick very happy bro
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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