I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
