Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
