I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
