Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
