oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
