i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Randomize