better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
