bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
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