News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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