please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
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