all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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