Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
How does one acquire holy water?
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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