i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Randomize
