ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
All the doctor said was why
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
