party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
