my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
