flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
