Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize
