I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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