My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Randomize
