i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
