I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
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