wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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