so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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