I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
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