as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Randomize
