you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
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