see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Do vagina's smell?
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
