if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
