I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
