the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Randomize
